Listen Up…Perfectionism is Costing You Your Peace of Mind
Don’t know if you’re a perfectionist? With life pulling us in so many directions and the constant need to obtain goals, many people are.
Perfectionism, as I see it in myself, is the constant state of needing something to be perceived as perfect in order for it to be “good.” It can be applied to anything and everything, your appearance, how your day went, what you ate, exercise, relationships. But often, perfectionism can hold us back. Prevent us from jumping in and starting something, it can lead to procrastination and low self esteem.
I believe that perfectionism can be rooted in OCD or anxiety. The concept of making things “perfect” or having things go a certain way in a result to make ourselves happy or our lives easier is false. Because in the end, perfectionism burns us out and turns into avoidance. Like this blog for example. I love to write, it comes so easily to me. Ever since I started college six years ago I’ve dreamt of writing a blog. But I constantly set goals for myself or picture that things have to be a certain way in my head to be able to write and maintain the blog. I believe that if I don’t reach those goals in a timely manner (which is often asap) that my blog is a failure. Then, I resort to not touching it for months, which is counteractive.
Perfectionism can harbor our everyday, and make us feel like we are letting ourselves or others down. It can also lead to people pleasing, as you feel like you have to be the perfect person for everyone all the time. It is the feeling of not wanting to let people down. “My friends asked me to hangout tonight but I have a date night with my boyfriend…I’m letting my friends down they will never want to hangout again. They must think I don’t like them.” These narratives can swirl around our brain and just cause exhaustion. It can also cause us to make decisions against our own happiness.
So how can we take steps to overcome perfectionism?
First, we can assess what makes us happy. Not what makes everyone else happy, but what truly bring us joy. This gives us room to say no to the things that we really don’t love. And it can be difficult to figure out what truly makes us happy. We have to stop ourselves each day and assess, is this bringing me joy? Journaling may also be your friend in uncovering what it is that makes you happy.
Try and develop the mindset that diving in is better than waiting to be perfect. Dive into a project even though you might not have all the answers or know the outcome. Aim to just get started, work on something. Don’t strive and make every move off of a particular goal. Decide to just get started and the goals will come with time.